In our culture, we often fear silence. We rush to fill it with explanations, reassurances, or distractions—especially in moments of deep pain or uncertainty. But there is a sacred kind of silence that arises in the presence of death. It’s not empty. It’s spacious. And within that space, there is room for truth, fear, grace, grief, and—perhaps most important—presence.

This is what it means to hold space.

What Does It Mean to Hold Space?

Holding space means creating an environment—emotional, spiritual, physical—where another person can exist exactly as they are, without judgment, fixing, or interruption. It’s an intentional posture of presence. You are with someone, not doing something to them. You make room for their experience, however messy or incomplete it may be.

In the context of death and dying, holding space might look like sitting quietly next to someone who is nearing the end of life, without the need to speak. It might mean allowing them to share their fears, regrets, memories, or silence—without redirecting the conversation or rushing to make them feel “better.”

Holding space is not about being a hero or having the right words. It’s about being willing to be with someone where they are, even when it’s hard.

How Death Doulas Hold Space

As a death doula, holding space is central to my work. I do not come to “fix” death, nor can I erase the pain that often comes with it. What I can do is bear witness. I can sit with the dying and their loved ones in the rawness of transition. I can listen deeply—to words, to breath, to silence.

Holding space as a doula may involve:

• Offering a calm and grounded presence during moments of anxiety or fear
• Facilitating legacy projects or rituals that help the dying person feel seen and heard
• Creating a physical environment that supports peace, comfort, and dignity
• Helping families navigate the emotional and spiritual aspects of letting go
• Validating all emotions—grief, anger, love, confusion—without rushing to resolve them

In short, I help make space for what is, not what we wish could be different.

How Loved Ones Can Learn to Hold Space

You don’t have to be a doula to hold space. You just need to be present—and willing to practice.

Here are a few ways loved ones can begin to hold space for someone who is dying:

1. Release the need to fix or control.
Death invites us into deep vulnerability. It can be tempting to distract, minimize, or “make things better.” Instead, practice simply being with your loved one. Allow the moment to unfold.

2. Embrace silence.
Not every moment needs to be filled with conversation. Your presence, your breath, your hand in theirs—these are enough.

3. Listen without agenda.
When your loved one wants to talk, listen with your whole self. Don’t redirect, judge, or try to find silver linings. Let their words land.

4. Check your assumptions.
Each person’s experience of dying is unique. Avoid projecting your own ideas of what should be happening. Be curious and open.

5. Care for yourself, too.
Holding space is sacred, but it can also be emotionally taxing. Take time to reflect, rest, and reach out for support if you need it.

A Sacred Offering

To hold space for the dying is to offer one of the most profound gifts we have: our presence. It is not flashy. It is not performative. But it is real, and it matters deeply.

As we move through June—the month of light stretching long into evening—I invite you to reflect on where you might offer spaciousness in your own life. For someone else. For yourself. For the unknown.

Let us remember that in the end, what most of us long for is not rescue—but companionship. Not answers, but presence.